JUST TELL ME
“Now you’ve got to finish your breakfast.” Mama takes a spoonful of the upma and curd and feeds me.
“When will Papa be back?" Tears fill my eyes.
I look out at the large walnut tree. A chipmunk scoots along one of it’s branches. Sprinklers water the potato fields. I love the sprinklers and the terraced fields. Yet I feel sad. Papa left early in the morning for London without a goodbye. He will not be back for a week. I miss him.
I run to the bathroom sink. He should have told me he was leaving. I wrinkle my eyebrows, pout and gag.
Mama runs in and holds my head with one hand while she gathers back my long, black hair with the other.
“Kala, get the towel,” Mama shouts out to the maid.
“Oh my God. Are you done? Now there is nothing in your stomach, and it's time for the bus.” Mama looks worried.
I do this every time I miss my dad.
Kala wipes my face with a white cotton towel. Mama hands me water in a steel cup.
“Drink the water.” After I drink Mama wipes my mouth again.
“She hasn't messed up her school uniform,” Kala says as she gives Mama the comb.
“I’ve put the apple juice, your sandwich and grapes in your lunch box. Eat them, okay, Shanthi dear?” Kala says.
I nod my head.
Mama walks me to the bus stop. I know she is not happy. She usually tells me the names of the flowers or talks about the weather, or asks me what I want for dinner. But today she is quiet.
Just as I reach the bus stop Mama tells me, “You know sometimes Papa leaves in a hurry and is not able to tell you goodbye. He loves you. Now be a good girl.” She kisses me.
There are four other girls standing at the bus stop. They all are wearing grey pleated skirts and I can see their brown shoes are shining. The two girls wearing black blazers are seniors. Our stop has no awning or benches.
“I miss Daddy.”
“I miss him, too, but he will be back Friday so it's okay.” Mama uses the voice that she uses when she wants me to sit down and do my homework.
The school bus comes. I wave to Mama and get on. I go to to a school with only girls. The only man is Mr. Murthy, the old bus driver. He wears a khakhi colored uniform.
During the day I do my schoolwork. At lunch I don’t like the cucumber sandwich. I enjoy the butterfly farm during Mrs. Jaya’s class. During recess, I play tag with my friends.
When the bell rings for dismissal in the evening, all the girls run to the bus or to the cars with either drivers or parents waiting. Raja, our driver, has been on leave. I have to take the bus since Papa is not there to pick me up. I walk slowly over to the bus.
“What’s up, Shanthi? You look sad.” Mr. Murthy smiles at me. He has a big mustache he twirls at the corners.
“My daddy has gone to London. I miss him.”
“He’ll be back soon. I think he’ll bring you a big Bobby doll from London.”He laughs loudly. “Cheer up little one.”
“Everyone in? Are all your friends who are taking the bus today in?” Mr. Murthy shouts.
All the girls shout back, “Yes, Mr. Murthy.”
“Good. Here we go.” The bus starts off slowly towards the school gate.
Some of the teachers talk near their cars. A few children who are waiting for their cars play on the swings. Murali,the cook, is walking towards the principal's office. He carries a big basket full of vegetables. I can see bottle gourds. They are Papa’s favorite vegetable.
I sit behind the driver's seat. The bus bumps up and down. Those are speed bumps. I love it when the car goes up and down when I drive with Papa to my grandparents’ farm.
I look out the window. The old man, who I see everyday , is sitting on his veranda in front of his house. He waves, and all the girls wave back. His dogs bark. They are Dobermans. Papa told me their tails were cut.
We drive past the Toda huts. I know they are the tribes of Ooty.
I see a few buffaloes grazing in the meadows. Todas raise buffalos for their milk. They use the butter to moisturize their skin.
“My daddy has gone to London,” I tell Mary, who sits next to me. Mary is also looking out the window.
“Nice. I have never been to London. I am sure he will get you something very nice in London when he returns. Are you excited?” Mary asks.
“I miss him.” I feel a lump in my throat.
The bus reaches my stop. I slowly pick up my bag and head towards the door.
“It's a nice evening. Smile and be happy,” hollers Murthy. I nod but cannot smile. I walk down the steps and don’t turn around.
My mom waits with the other mothers. Behind me my neighbors get off the bus and run towards their moms. Asha jumps as her mother kisses her. Maya hops and runs and gives her mother her bag , and holds her mother’s hand. I walk slowly.
“Hello, Shanthi, Are you feeling well?” Maya's mom asks me.
I nod.
Mama walks towards me and asks, “How was your day? Was it fun?”
I shake my head, indicating no.
“Is she not feeling well, Mona?” Maya’s mom asks
“Papa is coming on Friday, right?” I ask before Mama answers.
Maya's mom's eyebrows raise and she smiles. “Now I know why our little girl is sad.”
“Yes, he’ll be back Friday,” Mama tells me
Mama turns towards them. “Bye Maya. See you Bama.”
They wave and walk towards their house.
I put my backpack in the study, change into my home dress, and go to lie on the couch.
The phone rings. Mama answers.
It’s my grandma. Mama talks to her about Papa having gone to London and how the driver hasn't come to work since his wife had a baby.
“Its getting very difficult for me,” I hear Mama tell Grandma. “She has not been eating anything.” I know they are talking about me.
Friday evening, I am excited to get back home. Papa is coming back today.
When he arrives, I run to him, and he carries me. He kisses me, and I throw my arms around him.
“I missed you, Papa.”
Papa has the proud look. He seems happy to know I miss him. “I missed you and Mama too.”
Mama is standing near us.
I stretch over to Mama and kiss her. She kisses me back and smiles, shaking her head from side to side.
That night, I snuggle into bed. I missed Papa, but I made Mama feel sad. I troubled her. I don’t want Mama to have the sad face.
I drift off to sleep.
The weekend is fun.
I enjoy the days with my friends at school.
For the spring break Papa takes my family, my aunts and uncles, and cousins on a three-day trip to Mysore.
After the break, I have some homework to finish. I am in the study reading my English book when I hear Papa’s cell phone beep.
I see a text message. It reads “Are you leaving to China on the 1st of May? If so, we need to complete the documentation for the existing project.” It is from Ganesh.
I take the phone and run to Papa, who is reading a paper in the sun-room.
“Papa, here . Your phone. Are you going to China?” I give him his phone.
“I may. How do you know?”
I give him the phone, and he reads the message.
I jump onto his lap. “Can you get me paper fans from China?”
Papa looks at me. Mama is watering the hanging pots. The fuchsias have some dried leaves. I go over and climb the stool and pluck the dried leaves.
“Did you know Papa is going to China?”
“I didn’t.”
“Yes, he is leaving on the 1st of May.” I nod my head and smile.
Mama continues to water the plants.
I run off to finish my homework.
I look up the calendar. The first of May is a Friday. It is this Friday.
Before I leave for school on Friday, I want to make sure I tell Papa bye bye.
He is at the dining table pouring out his coffee.
“So Papa, when are you leaving for China?”
“My flight is at 3:00, Shanthi, but I am leaving now to the office and going straight from there to the airport.”
“So you won’t be there when I come back, right?”
“No.”
“When will you be back?”
“Next Friday.”
“Shall we go to the circus when you return?”
“Sure. We will. I will have Mama buy the tickets now.”
He kisses me. “Will miss you. Eat your food, and be happy and helpful to Mama. Okay?” he says.
“ I will, Papa.”
“I’ll wait for us to go to the circus.”
“Okay, time for the bus,” Mama says.
I drink my milk and have my idlis fast. Papa kisses me again. I hold Mama’s hand and we walk towards the door.
“Don’t forget my fans. Have a nice time, Papa.”
I wave Mama good-bye as I climb into the bus.
I see a look of surprise on Mama’s face. But I know it is not the sad face.
It is Friday show and tell at school.
My turn is next Friday. I will show the fans from China.
That evening I tell the bus driver that Papa has gone to China.
“Do you miss him?” he asks.
“My mom will be at home. She helps me with homework. We are going to the park.”
As soon as I reach my stop, I run out of the bus to my mother.
“Mama, I finished my lunch. The cucumber sandwich was good, but I am hungry now. What are we having for dinner?”
“I have made horse gram curry with ragi roti and Kala made carrot payasam.”
“Yum. Shall we go to the playground for sometime, Mama?”
“We will.”
I change my clothes and sit down at the dining table to eat grapes.
“You are being a good girl this time, Shanthi. Whenever Papa traveled, you gave me lots of trouble. Do you know how sad Mama used to be? But this time you are happy and Mama is happy too.”
“Yes ,Mama. This time I knew Papa was going. I feel sad when he doesn't tell and go.
Mama smiles. We spend the evening in the park.
Next Friday, when Papa returns, I hear Mama say, “Shanthi was no trouble at all. She was very happy. She didn’t seem to miss you at all.” Now Mama has a proud look similar to what I have seen in Papa.
I stop drawing and look up at my parents. Papa looks surprised.
“I just need to know where Papa is going and when he will be back.”
Papa laughs, and picks me up and hugs me. “I’m proud of you, dear. My little girl is growing up.”
“Just tell me when you are traveling.” I cling to my dad.
I look up. Both Papa and Mama have a proud look. They are smiling.
Upma – a dish made of cracked wheat and seasoned with onions and vegetables
Curd – home made yogurt
Idlis – steamed rice and lentil cakes
ragi - is a cereal black in color ususally powdered
Todas – hill tribes in South India
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